effuse: (woody allen)
[personal profile] effuse
I used to love living in chaos. In my mind, unconsciously, it was synonymous with freedom. I figured that because the world is chaotic, I shouldn't try to live it as anything else. To do so would be to hinder my perception. I then gave myself into almost total nihilism.

The real tragedy of Krysti's death is that she was much the same way, and she was just starting to come into her own when she passed. I never saw her happier than I did when we picked her up from the airport just under a day before she died. It was like she'd figured out something major, something that opened up the rest of the world to her. Perhaps she realized that freedom wasn't in chaos after all, like I would under a year later. Or perhaps I'm just projecting my current perspective onto her. One thing I do remember well about her, though, was her constant struggle to escape the confines of her history, her fears and her insecurities. So maybe it's a projection that also happens to be apropos. Guess we'll never know.

I need to hit the gym.
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Rebecca

November 2012

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